I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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