My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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