...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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