when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize