how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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