Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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