If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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