i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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