glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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