i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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