Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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