somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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