Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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