Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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