My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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