I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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