All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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