"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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