I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize