I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize