I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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