I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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