I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't notice because vodka
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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