i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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