Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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