I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
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i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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