He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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