i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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