Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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