Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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