the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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