then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm getting married
To pizza
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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