i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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