the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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