I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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