I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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