You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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