On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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