Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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