when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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