so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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