i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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