I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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