The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
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Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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