called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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