Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize