I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize