You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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