I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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