I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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